Dog Rules

I'm happy to report that Xyno's alive and well. The chicken bones didn't do any harm, thank goodness. Thanks for the prayers. :-)

He's been his usual happy, active, hungry self. I've been dutifully checking his BMs (like I told Alicia, sorry if TMI) and everything looks normal. No vomiting, no strange behavior. Yay!!

In celebration of Xyno's good health and this being my 100th post, I'd now like to share an e-mail that's been forwarded around for years. My sister recently sent it to me. I don't know who wrote it, but I think it's so cute. I get a kick out of it every time!


DOG RULES
(To be posted very low on the refrigerator door -- noseheight.)

Dear Dogs,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, or try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years -- canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear dog, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Dog Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Dog:
1. He lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it FURniture.)
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal -- to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Remember: Dogs...
    a. Eat less.
    b. Don't ask for money all the time.
    c. Are easier to train.
    d. Usually come when called.
    e. Never drive your car.
    f. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
    g. Don't smoke or drink alcoholic beverages.
    h. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
    i. Don't wear your clothes, and
    j. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.